I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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