jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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