I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
