my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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