so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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