I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
