the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
