Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
