This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
