oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
