This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
