It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
