i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize