Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
