i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
