Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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