that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Of course I have a pirate flag
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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