im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
