You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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