Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
