I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
