I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
