yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
