My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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