come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
