if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
