Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
