I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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