i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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