well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
