shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
