tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
