Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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