I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
