fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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