woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
