He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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