Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
