I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
