pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
