Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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