I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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