Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
