Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize