We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
