hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
