so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
