i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
