i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
