god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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