Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
