Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
