Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
