I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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