There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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