did you get engaged???
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
