I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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