I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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