I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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