is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
