The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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