I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
