You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
