i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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