Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
