omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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