I accidentally burped into my bong.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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