i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize