so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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