you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
