Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
