We won't sleep together?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the day after is always just damage control
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
