its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
