Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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