My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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