Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize